Saturday, 23 June 2012

How to write a Tourney Report. Seriously.

Just saw this from somewhere, needed to show it to you guys. Was quite... interesting.

So me and <friend1> were staying at mine, browsing through blogs and just chilling. Eventually we took down our pillow forts, got dressed and <You tested your deck extensively ALL night, no sleep. You were completely unbeaten, the deck was FLAWLESS>

So I get up, <generic back story about your morning routine, major emphasis on how your personal hygiene standards soar in comparison to other duelists'>

So <Yes, every report must be written like you're a highschool, like so, whatever, cheerleader> we pick up some friends, <friend2> took fucking forever so we were all mega pissed but he eventually got ready. Finally we get to the venue where we chill, trade for the cards I needed, chill some more, beat Adam Corn 10-0 in friendlies, meet up with some friends and just chill.

Me and <friend3> decided to have a few test games while the others were still reg'ing, and <You then decide to completely switch decks, to one with no previous testing whatsoever, but it's cool fellas, friend3's logic is never wrong>

As it's about to start, we get seated and it turns out <you're playing either some scrub or your best friend, absolutely no one else ever>. Anyway:

Rounds 1-Y(cuz X is so mainstream)<your games will be one of the following>:

game x - i win

game x - i dont rememeber but i won

game x - <x card> wins games

game x - <Either you or they> opened teh nuts

game x - so this guy was totally stacking his deck, even after i cut it. I called a judge over but he was like 'nah I promote cheating' and walked off while flipping me off, laughing menacingly.

game x - get sacked, HIS ONLY OUT!!1!1!1

game x - Right so <extensive detail on every play you made, right down to the way you pro bluffed a false telegraph with your hax just by staring at your card's corner a little longer than usual. This play, or series of moves, was so damn awesome, it's essentially the only reason you wrote this tournament report really, admit it. There's gonna be more detail in this one game than your entire report put together, but who cares right? This is your moment, make it awesome, make it shine. Go on, even add a few extra imaginary moves that didn't really happen but would emphasise how goddamn EPIC this turn really was. DON'T HOLD BACK>

So I end up X-x <comment on your result. blame the lack of sleep/testing/common sense, it just simply wasn't a good day. Besides, playing stackers and abusive nazi judges, this was most likely your only downfall anyway, chin up. Also, If you're a nice guy, a little bit of humility admitting your one (and only) misplay is a nice touch to keep your internet friendly smiley duelist persona kickin'.>.

Props <one, if not all, of the following>:
xth place
going x-x with a deck i never tested

ripping children
my friends doing well
GREAT PRIZE SUPPORT <if you won ofc>

Slops <Again, one of the following>:
going X-x
judges are niggers/kkk/terrorists
my friends got sacked out of ALL of their wins
people who don't wash
awful prize support <you clearly didn't win>

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